Hey, I’ll admit it. Sex scenes are not my forte, but I had to up my heat level for Vexing Voss. I took a vow of celibacy when I was thirteen and pretty much suck at all the intimate details. You know? What goes where. Okay, you can stop laughing now. Geez. I might have exaggerated just a bit.
I saw my first naked guy in jail. No, I wasn’t arrested. I worked for the Glendale Police Department and part of my duties included prisoner checks. Yeah, that’s right. I had to go in the stinky cells and make sure everyone of our “guests” were still breathing. So much fun. This moron had decided to stuff his pants down the toilet, and of course, he went commando. He turned and proudly displayed his Mister Dinky. I’m thinking, this is what all the fuss is about? Since the judge had a strict dress code in his court, numb nuts got to wear his water soaked pants to his arraignment. Hey, we didn’t have jumpsuits back then.
Because of my lack of practical experience, I had to research what makes a smoking hot love scene. The local prostitutes were a bust. They took their johns into a corn field. How romantic is that?
Luckily, I discovered my neighbors. Now when I need something new, all I have to do is go out in my backyard and wait. My neighbor and his current girlfriend are pretty frisky in the pool. Their lusty screams set off every dog in the neighborhood and I pick up pointers from their unusually athletic sexual positions. No, I am not a Peeping Tom. It’s research.
Voss, the Overlord’s Battle Commander, was determined to make Zoey his mate. She was equally determined it was never going to happen. When her clever disguises, skunk perfume, stun gun, smoke bombs and tranquillizer darts failed to stop him, she was forced to negotiate her surrender.
Their mating scene had to be perfect. But how? Voss was one very frustrated male and Zoey still mourned her lost love. Add in Voss’s unique man parts and you’re heading for a disaster of epic proportions. I decided to use humor to defuse the situation.
“Wait! Can I see it first?”
Voss sat Zoey on the counter. “See it?”
“You know, your snake penis thingy.”
He stared at her for a long moment and then nodded. “Yes, you may examine my thingy.” He removed his weapons belt, boots, and battle suit.
Wowzers, he had one fine ass. Tight. Muscled.
His chest was so ripped, she wanted to lick every inch of it. Zoey’s eyes bugged out. Holy guacamole! A slit had opened in Voss’s abdomen, and out it slid. His penis was snakelike with a frill of tentacles around the top. Kinda freaky.
“Freaky?” The Battle Commander’s voice was a low growl.
Oh hell! Zoey had forgotten the cardinal rule. Never, ever make fun of a guy’s penis. “No need to get all snarky. I was just a little…uh…surprised. Can I touch it?”
“Yes.” The snake stopped, and the copper-colored frill opened and closed almost as if it was scenting the air.
Vexing Voss Contest: First prize is a $10 Loose Id gift certificate. Second prize is a smoking hot Vexing Voss magnet. How do you win? Simply answer this question. What disguise does Zoey wear to hide from Voss? The answer can be found at: http://www.loose-id.com/vexing-voss.html Send your answers to email@example.com